June is my birthday month. This year I turn 32 years old. I used to think I would have all of life figured out by 30. Nope! I don’t think you ever really figure it all out. But I’ve learned, without the uncertainty, life wouldn’t be as exciting.
I could say that I planned this whole time to launch Mondays with Marian in June, just in time for my birthday. But I’d be lying. The truth is…
I was scared. Of what? Not sure. The unknown, of looking bad in my videos, of not being good enough.
I was nervous. It was weird to listen and watch myself when I played back my videos.
I was insecure. I looked fat. I slouched too much. My voice sounds weird like I have stuffy nose. My smile is crooked. I kept looking at all the things I didn’t like about myself a lot.
I procrastinated and was lazy. I had a goal to get this up and running in January to ring in 2017 with awesomeness and motivation. 6 months later… here it is. Better late than never right?! LOL
I’m not a millionaire or anyone famous. Was I even credible enough to talk about life, entrepreneurship, success and failure? Who would even listen to me?
I was crippled by my excuses and insecurities. Then, during one of my slumps where I ask myself… “What am I doing with my life?”… I realized I just had to get back to the basics of why I even wanted to do videos and get back into writing and blogging. That has to do with my purpose and mission. Ever since I went public with my #StoryofStrength and my talked openly about overcoming years of childhood sexual abuse (CSA), I have come to realize that I want to inspire others to transform their past trauma into triumphs. I have a voice and I want to use it to impact people in a positive way… Even if it’s just ONE person.
One of the skills I’m proud of having is my ability to take action. It’s never going to be perfect, especially when you first start, but at least you’re one step ahead of those who never start.
So I just did it. I bought a cheap tripod from Amazon, Googled and YouTubed advice on filming videos on my iPhone, took down notes on my phone and sat in front of the camera and started talking.
The lighting is horrible in my Intro video, I need to sit up straight, I move my hands a lot. It took me 8 different takes because I was stuttering or got nervous speaking. But at least I started. Each video after got a little bit easier and I was a little less nervous.
One of the big reasons I wanted to start Mondays with Marian is because there are not many Asian-American females talking about business, social entrepreneurship, how traditional Asian culture conflicts with modern American culture, creating a life that we are proud to live filled with abundance, love, gratitude and meaningful relationships, etc.
I love listening to podcasts, reading books, learning from motivational speakers, going to seminars and conferences… but the majority of those people are white men. There are less women speaking up, and ever lesser who are Asian-American.
So I thought… why don’t I speak up? I’ve had a few accomplishments in my life. I’ve made my way to the top of the corporate ladder as a Marketing Director, started my own company, was the LA Chapter President of a national non-profit, lived abroad in other countries (China and Singapore), bought a one-way ticket and moved from LA to Miami, made 6-figures, been on television, radio and print…
But I have also had a LOT of setbacks and failures as well (or tough love from the Universe as I like to call it)… I’ve been suicidal and severely depressed, had alcohol and drug abuse issues, was over $65K in debt, been so dead broke I was stealing toilet paper from a public bathroom…
But here I am. Sharing my experiences, unique perspective, wins, losses, stories and highlighting other amazing minority women in business doing awesome things. My hope is that it inspires and motivates at least 1 person out there.
Enough of my rambling…
Without further adieu… here’s my first Mondays with Marian video.
I appreciate all feedback, questions and comments. If you have any topics that you want me to talk about, please leave a comment.
Tune in every Monday for new videos where I talk about entrepreneurship, lifestyle, mindset, failures and wins from my own experience as an Asian American, female entrepreneur. I also post videos interviewing other minority women entrepreneurs who share their advice, experience and lessons learned.
I’m here to keep it real and share my ongoing journey and struggles with you. Some days you feel amazing and other days you feel like a complete failure and you want to crawl under a rock and disappear. Entrepreneurship is not easy, but you don’t have to go at it alone. Let’s help each other out.
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Love and Light,